How quickly we forget...

As I sat at work tonight, I reminisced over the men that I have dated in the year that I have lived in Denver and found myself remembering them fondly. I genuinely cared about each of the men that I had mini-romances with. From the one in Green Valley Ranch that introduced me to Blackhawk, and took me on my first few dates in Denver. The one, that lived out in Westminster and made passionate love to me for hours. The one, that I especially cared for, that showed me loving, tenderness and introduced me to new heights of adventurous sex (outdoor jacuzzi, pool chair, backseat of his cadillac, etc). Then, last, but not least...the one that was always happy to hear from me & always available to see me. They ALL made me so happy, until they didn't. I guess that's how it is though. But, now that I've taken the time away from dating (2 & 1/2 months roughly), I can finally focus on myself and accomplishing the goals that I want to reach in the near future. In order, for me to move forward in a positive direction, for when I do decide to revisit dating; I must re-evaluate these past relationships and decipher where I mis-stepped. What did I do wrong, that these relationships all went south or never progressed to begin with? I understand, that a lot of women blame the men...but, I'm sure that my own pride, distrust, insensitivity, and demanding nature played a part in it. Also, it is I that chose to date these men & take them back, even when at times they did not deserve it. All in the spirit of being fair and understanding. But, sometimes by being fair to someone else, you are not being fair to yourself. When looking back, instead of focusing on why I ended things; I consider, instead, their positives and end up taking them back. Which as you can probably guess, only resulted in a similar ending. Funny, how quickly we forget.

The Side Effects Of Clubbing

Sooo....after numerous years of clubbing (in the DC area, and now in Denver)...I've come to many conclusions and have had an epiphany. Different people use the club and other club goers to meet different needs. And when I say needs, I mean a desire to fulfill something other than the known purpose of going to a club (to have fun with friends, drink, etc.) For example, a man may go to the club in order to meet a woman to have sex with, or to get over an ex, or to find a woman to cheat with, or to prove to himself that he can get blank # of girls, or even prove to himself that he is straight. A woman may go out to get validation from men in the form of attention/compliments/phone number exchanged, or to get over an ex, or to find her next dating prospect. The reason why this is so important is because it leads to my epiphany. Did you notice how the woman has a relationship as a prospective result of meeting someone in the club, but many men do not? I will not generalize completely, because I do not know EVERY or MOST men, so I will just say many. At the risk of offending some of my readers, I will keep it ALL the way real with y'all. The men that go to the club, should not even be considered for relationships. Why? Let me explain. The man in the club is a smooth talking, skirt chasing, drunk. Mind you, there are exceptions...but, for the most part they are not the type of man that settles down easily. So why are we, as women even considering them for more than sex, when that is all they see when they look at us? In the club, men aren't hunting down the women that are covered up and that have "nice personalities". They are looking for the chick with the shortest dress on and the biggest booty. It is simply a meat market to them. Now, this is important, because women dress according to these standards. We dress up in something sexy, put on expensive perfume, MAC makeup, do our hair, etc....all to receive validation from dudes that should not even matter. If a man that is handsome, but has three kids, and lives with his momma does not give you the time of day in the club, why should you be offended? He never should have been given the position to judge your worth. I remember going to the club, all dolled up, and getting SO much attention. It made me feel great, it boosted my self-esteem, and put a pep in my step. But, the nights where I would go out and get no play, I'd go home sad...sometimes even cry myself to sleep, because I didn't understand why no one wanted me. It is not healthy to set such high importance on the opinions of strangers, especially when they don't matter. Honestly, it shouldn't even matter if I got no hollas or a hundred, if you know you looked good...that's all that matters. Especially, because I would not date a man that I met in the club anyway. I do not like men that drink, smoke, have children, are divorced, are unemployed, and like to party. These are not habits, nor the lifestyle that I want a prospective partner to have. So WHY THE FUCK, does it matter to me whether they find me attractive or not? Why give someone that you do not consider worthy enough to date, the power to make you feel good or bad about yourself or your appearance? It is just interesting to me. And not every woman is like that, some genuinely go out just for fun. And not every man in the club is a bum or only looking for sex. But, I am discussing a specific type of club-head. You do not ask a lawyer for medical advice right, so why ask a man that does not fit your standards to elevate your self-esteem? He simply does not qualify. Love yourself, be yourself, and be comfortable in your skin. Know what you want, before you let the wrong things get the best of you. That is something that I am quickly learning about the club. It all depends on how you feel, if you feel sexy....you don't need to receive a single compliment to be secure in that. Of course attention is nice, but wouldn't you rather have attention from a man that is of a different caliber? Perhaps one that you met at Border's while he was reading a W.E.B. Dubois book? One with common interests, education level, and ideals as you? Hope this post made sense, because I am trying to write it at 5 in the morning, post-club while the thoughts are still fresh in my head. As far as the club, I had taken a two-three month break from it, but have revisited it twice this week...I think I am better off doing something more productive with my time. The club does not enrich your life, or help you reach your goals, and it certainly puts you in danger. In danger of getting in an altercation/being caught in the middle of someone else's altercation, in danger of falling weak to the temptation of drugs & alcohol, and in danger of ending up with a low-life. Sooo...with that said, back to surrounding myself with positive things.