Love Induced PTSD

Sooo...I was just on Twitter when RevRunWisdom tweeted "Ladies::: If want a mate.. Don't build walls,, Build bridges.." That is so much easier said than done. It is not that easy to forget the pain you've suffered. I am shell-shocked! So its only natural that I have my defenses up. It is so much easier to scare people away, and cut them off at the first red flag than it is to truly let yourself fall for someone. I am afraid. I am not ashamed to say it. I am afraid to relive the near death I felt when my last relationship ended. I am scared to love someone and have them hurt me. To lay in bed crying, and wake up everyday feeling like throwing up. It took a lot of strength to get over it, I don't think that I have it in me to go through it again. I don't deserve it!

No woman deserves it. So it is only natural that we build up our defenses in order to protect our hearts. What is wrong with a woman wanting to be secure in a man/romantic situation before she gives a man her heart? Isn't that the way it should be? I don't want to be misunderstood, I am not saying that a woman should punish every single man for the mistakes of other, but she must be cautious. Most dogs have the same ol' tricks...I feel as though the right man will be able to break through those walls and rebuild them around the both of you.

Working-Mom=Oxymoron?

My cousin Rahwa and I were discussing children yesterday while eating at Chili's. I told her that I had an epiphany...I don't really like the idea of having children. The older I get, the less I feel a desire to follow norms and become a mother. I told her that all I am thinking about is my career and that I don't see children fitting into my overall lifeplan. I think its ignorant of people to call a person selfish for not wanting to have children. It is a personal choice, and has nothing to do with anyone but the couple. Who am I hurting by not wanting to have children? Exactly! No one. I plan to accelerate in my career once I complete my education. I do not want to be a housewife, I did not go to school, and take out all those loans, to just sit at home and change diapers all day. I guess some people will not be able to understand my point of view, because it is seemingly unnatural to not want children, seeing as we were put on this earth to be fruitful and multipy. But, I do not want to have a child as a compromise to my husband (if I even get married) and then live to regret it. Being a parent is a full-time job in its self. I do not want to bring a child into this world if I cannot give them the same love and attention that my parents gave me growing up. I want to be able to travel & see the world without worrying. I want to come home to peace and quiet after a long work day. This may just be a phase, so I cannot say this is my final decision. My cousin Rahwa said to me how she can't even imagine herself as a mother, because she can't even imagine herself married. I agree. I feel as though, to see myself in that situation. I need to actually be in a committed relationship that is stable financially and emotionally. I definitely love babies, they are cute as a button...but to have one full-time? And how about the fact that they grow up and start talking...

Lingerie: Sexy or Skanky?

Lingerie. It is feminine, soft, and makes a woman feel sexy. Lingerie signifies every good girl's *naughty side*. Many women's magazines encourage women to wear lingerie. These magazines (eg: Glamour, Cosmopolitan) say that men love lingerie, reenforcing our own preconceptions of what turns the opposite sex on. Cosmopolitan even occasionally shows different types of lingerie and tells which lingerie is the most flattering for each body type. I like that they do that, it lets regular women know that they don't have to look like a VS angel to look and feel sexy in lingerie. But now, there is a question on my mind...what do men REALLY think of lingerie?

I personally have never owned any lingerie, but I did have an X-boyfriend that thought lingerie was a bit much and didn't want me to invest in it. Every time I brought it up, he seemed disinterested. And the other day, when I asked my followers on Twitter (www.twitter.com/iWearThePants87) one of them said they prefer their woman naked, and did not care much for lingerie. This goes against everything we are being told about men. We are sent subliminal messages by magazines, television, movies, etc. that lingerie is considered a treat and that it drives men wild. Do men think that lingerie is skanky? Are men threatened by a woman that already owns lingerie? Does it make men wonder how many men she has worn it for before? To be continued...

Single With Nowhere To Mingle

I remember back in high school, everywhere you went you could meet someone. At the mall, at school, walking down the street, or even at home in an AIM chat with your friends. Now, in my 20s it feels damn near impossible to meet someone, especially of substance. Clubs & bars seem to be the hot spot for someone looking for hook ups or a few dinner dates, but nothing serious. Been there, done that! Where does a person meet someone outside of clubs & bars? I find myself spending a lot of time wondering, where could I meet someone? I don't work, I just go to school full-time. So I can't meet someone at work. The pickings at school are slim to none (closer to none than slim). Occasionally I do find myself going over to a friend's house for get togethers and I meet people, but I feel as though I cannot date them b/c if it doesn't work I will have to see them again over there. I thought I was the only one having problems meeting men, but a friend of mine brought it up to me last night that she had the same problems. I realize that the only places I go outside of school are the grocery store, blockbuster, out to eat, and the mall. Now I've heard many stories of how you could meet a man at the grocery store, but thats so far-fetched. The only man I talk to in a grocery store is the cashier, and I don't want a middle aged man that rings up produce all day lol. Second location, blockbuster, could have some possibilities. But, then again how many times have you seen a hot guy there on a friday night? They must just buy movies from best buy or something lol. Third location, out to eat. Unless a bunch of guys go out to eat together, its a slim chance that you'll meet a hot guy unless you are in the bar section during game night. Seems like guys mostly go out to the movies & dinner when they are on dates with other chicks. Lastly, the mall. I have never met a man in the mall, even when I worked there. I guess the only solutions are to join a local gym, or start a new hobby like horseback riding, or meet a guy through your friends.

Is Sex the new Love?

Being a single woman I do realize that being single not only comes with the cravings of companionship, but also with another sort of painful suffering. Suffering that comes from hungering for sex and intimacy. This hunger, is too strong for even the most nimble fingers or powerful vibrator to satisfy. You, as any normal human being does, WANT TO GET LAID. There are many judgmental people in the world, and your friends may be some of them, that frown upon casual sex. But, everyone is different and it may be the answer. What works for them, may not be working for you. If all you want is sex, and cannot keep holding out for Mr. Right, then go for it. The question is, however, can sex serve as a substitute for Love? Can one TRULY be satisfied with sex and no longer crave love? I believe that it depends on the partner. If your sex partner is affectionate, attentive, and cuddles with you...it could be quite pleasant, there wouldn't be a feeling as though something more were missing. That is of course if you like that sort of thing. There are many women who are not in relationships that just want sex with no strings attached. They want hot meaningless sex without the cuddling or kissing, just a fix to get them through their love dry spell. I definitely don't blame them either. You never know when or even whether you will find love, so why go on punishing yourself? There is a downside though, you may still get your heartbroken. Sex can end up making you feel used if done with the wrong person, and may make you feel even lonelier. Sex could also lower your self esteem. if you are depending on your partner for validation of your self-worth. Sex is very intimate and though some people can keep a stronghold on their feelings, many people find themselves unable to fight the feelings that grow inside of them for their partner. So please proceed with caution. On the bright side: Who knows, your partner may end up being your next relationship. You never know ;)