The Side Effects Of Clubbing

Sooo....after numerous years of clubbing (in the DC area, and now in Denver)...I've come to many conclusions and have had an epiphany. Different people use the club and other club goers to meet different needs. And when I say needs, I mean a desire to fulfill something other than the known purpose of going to a club (to have fun with friends, drink, etc.) For example, a man may go to the club in order to meet a woman to have sex with, or to get over an ex, or to find a woman to cheat with, or to prove to himself that he can get blank # of girls, or even prove to himself that he is straight. A woman may go out to get validation from men in the form of attention/compliments/phone number exchanged, or to get over an ex, or to find her next dating prospect. The reason why this is so important is because it leads to my epiphany. Did you notice how the woman has a relationship as a prospective result of meeting someone in the club, but many men do not? I will not generalize completely, because I do not know EVERY or MOST men, so I will just say many. At the risk of offending some of my readers, I will keep it ALL the way real with y'all. The men that go to the club, should not even be considered for relationships. Why? Let me explain. The man in the club is a smooth talking, skirt chasing, drunk. Mind you, there are exceptions...but, for the most part they are not the type of man that settles down easily. So why are we, as women even considering them for more than sex, when that is all they see when they look at us? In the club, men aren't hunting down the women that are covered up and that have "nice personalities". They are looking for the chick with the shortest dress on and the biggest booty. It is simply a meat market to them. Now, this is important, because women dress according to these standards. We dress up in something sexy, put on expensive perfume, MAC makeup, do our hair, etc....all to receive validation from dudes that should not even matter. If a man that is handsome, but has three kids, and lives with his momma does not give you the time of day in the club, why should you be offended? He never should have been given the position to judge your worth. I remember going to the club, all dolled up, and getting SO much attention. It made me feel great, it boosted my self-esteem, and put a pep in my step. But, the nights where I would go out and get no play, I'd go home sad...sometimes even cry myself to sleep, because I didn't understand why no one wanted me. It is not healthy to set such high importance on the opinions of strangers, especially when they don't matter. Honestly, it shouldn't even matter if I got no hollas or a hundred, if you know you looked good...that's all that matters. Especially, because I would not date a man that I met in the club anyway. I do not like men that drink, smoke, have children, are divorced, are unemployed, and like to party. These are not habits, nor the lifestyle that I want a prospective partner to have. So WHY THE FUCK, does it matter to me whether they find me attractive or not? Why give someone that you do not consider worthy enough to date, the power to make you feel good or bad about yourself or your appearance? It is just interesting to me. And not every woman is like that, some genuinely go out just for fun. And not every man in the club is a bum or only looking for sex. But, I am discussing a specific type of club-head. You do not ask a lawyer for medical advice right, so why ask a man that does not fit your standards to elevate your self-esteem? He simply does not qualify. Love yourself, be yourself, and be comfortable in your skin. Know what you want, before you let the wrong things get the best of you. That is something that I am quickly learning about the club. It all depends on how you feel, if you feel sexy....you don't need to receive a single compliment to be secure in that. Of course attention is nice, but wouldn't you rather have attention from a man that is of a different caliber? Perhaps one that you met at Border's while he was reading a W.E.B. Dubois book? One with common interests, education level, and ideals as you? Hope this post made sense, because I am trying to write it at 5 in the morning, post-club while the thoughts are still fresh in my head. As far as the club, I had taken a two-three month break from it, but have revisited it twice this week...I think I am better off doing something more productive with my time. The club does not enrich your life, or help you reach your goals, and it certainly puts you in danger. In danger of getting in an altercation/being caught in the middle of someone else's altercation, in danger of falling weak to the temptation of drugs & alcohol, and in danger of ending up with a low-life. Sooo...with that said, back to surrounding myself with positive things.

Forget Me Not: FWBs Edition

Forget me nots are a beautiful type of flower. They came to my mind tonight when I got a text from a guy that I haven't talked to in like a week. He texts me short meaningless responses and then calls me to talk about....nothing. The most painfully boring convos I've ever had. He said, he didn't know me well enough to pursue a relationship, yet did not even try to get to know me. He was only good for a nut, which I realized early on...and I was cool with that. But, now that I want more (not necessarily from him of course...he's a fuckin asshole), he is no longer appealing. My standards for a fuck buddy are way lower than that for a serious committed relationship (as they should be). Soooo...when he texts me a week after he told me he'd call me RIGHT back, hell yeah I'm mad. WTF? Ignore! I can't get with that shit. It's so interesting to me, how a woman can be so respectful to a fuck buddy, but a lot of dudes don't operate that way. Just bc it's a FWB situation doesn't mean you have to act uninterested until the next time you want some. Texting me some bull shit talking about you miss me. How come in the movies coming out lately (mostly white folks) are engaging in casual sex and actually hang out too? The true meaning of friends with benefits. Not make small talk, fuck, and go home. Another thing....how skewed is our society that we will share our bodies (something that has been sacred to us) with a stranger/person we barely know; and put ourselves at risk for STDs & pregnancy....but, will not put our heart out there? I'd rather have my heart broken a million times than catch something I can't get rid of, or have a baby by someone that I am not married to. But, that's just me...I am a realist and logically that shit does NOT make sense. I could sit here and blame hip hop, for the black man's degradation of the black woman...but, I won't...bc this isn't only in the black community. Hollywood is just selling this idea as the new "Happily Ever After". Two people have casual sex, spend time together, and fall for each other anyway. Movies like "No Strings Attached", "Going The Distance", & "Friends With Benefits" all have that in common as their premise. I have never ended up falling in love and committing to anyone that I've had casual sex with. And I can honestly say that all of my sexual partners except one have been casual (And by casual I mean, not a committed relationship. Not one night stands). Why is that? Another question...does a history of casual sex cause one to disconnect from emotional attachment during sex? It would make sense, whether out of habit or as a defense mechanism, or hell both. I feel as though I have jumped around a lot during this post (hope some of you were able to follow my train of thought), my main point is...why can't you establish boundaries in a FWB relationship, and still be friends? Why can't you be seen in public together, go out to dinner/movies, talk on the phone? Friends do all of that. Why is it that you have to hit it, and then forget it until it's been too long and you need it again? In his defense, he did call me on days that I was at work or that he had to work in the morning...just to talk....but, the convo didn't stimulate either of our minds. I need a man that will FORGET ME NOT.

I'm done kissing toads...

My last post was a very positive one. I met a great guy. He was kind, patient, understanding, all of the good stuff. I overlooked the negatives though, which wasn't wise. I know that I want a man that shares my faith in God, and that does not have children, and he also did not appeal to me physically. Furthermore, if I had settled down with him....it would have been more settling than anything. But, in the moment I was blinded. Blinded by the possibility of being in a relationship again. More so to rub it in the face of the past "best thing I never had" type dudes, than to actually build something real with someone. Those are not the right intentions; and to try to force something with someone that is lacking some major qualities that you desire is shortchanging yourself. I realized the hard way (as usual), that I needed to leave him alone and just focus on me. Because, clearly I am out of tune with what it is that I truly desire from the opposite sex and from love. This blog marks a new chapter in my life. The one where I come into my own and focus less on dating and more on me. I have to stop blaming men for my dating life. Don't get me wrong, the men that I've dated have overwhelmingly been assholes, but I picked them. In fact, as women we have so much say in what happens to us and that gives us so much control. I was ready to drop all of my fun to settle with a man that I was lukewarm about, because HE was ready. And if you've read my prior blog entries, you'll know how rare it is that the man is the one ready to settle down. So, I figured that I'd jump on the chance and sike myself out into believing I liked him until the true feelings came along. It sounds stupid now...but, in the moment I truly believed that it would work. Safe to say, as soon as he thought that he had me and that I was devoted to him...he showed his true colors (cue the Beyonce) and I saw the real him. I let him go, and decided no more; I refuse to keep kissing toads. It is not rewarding, and distracts you from the important things: God, family, and friends. I'm good on that. I am currently devoted in a selfish love affair with myself, and it will take somewhere very special to change THAT relationship status. :)

Had Me At Hello....

After writing countless blogs about failed attempts at finding love, thought that I would dust off my blog and update you on the happenings of my life. I have met someone :). I did not go out looking for him, AT ALL. He walked straight up to me, in regards to a professional matter and I was immediately drawn to him. His swag, was unparalleled. Maybe it was his confidence, or his NY accent that made him stand out to me. Also, the fact that he did not come up to me trying to "holla" peaked my interest and immediately made me want him...BAD. So, I gently rejected his offer, and informed him that my interest is in him. He knew exactly what I meant. So we exchanged numbers and stayed in contact. Our first date was a flop lol, but despite that we went out again. I have no idea why I gave him another chance, but I was not disappointed. He was a perfect gentleman the second time around and swept me off of my feet. I was on cloud 9, and telling him that he was my boo. He told me that there is a certain standard that he expected from a boo. I was not happy with the standards in question, and also my pride wouldn't let me give in to someone else's demands....no matter how much I was starting to like them. By the end of that convo, we both got the point that it was over between us. Right when things were going good too :-/ Sad, right? I know...but, it isn't over lol. I ran into his friend when I went out bc he did security at a bunch of the clubs, and I asked about him. He went back and told him that I was asking about him...so he sent me a text. At first I was embaressed that his friend snitched on me, but it was a good thing. We started communicating again, with a text here and there. The second time I saw his friend, the convo we had convinced me that I still liked ol' boy and had to have him back, even if it meant giving in. I called him and saw him that very same night. Those butterflies were still in my stomach and his smile assured me that he felt the same. I don't know why we keep coming back to each other if it isn't for a higher purpose. Seeing him again, made me realize that we could pick up from where we left off and that I was making the right decision. Now, a few weeks later he and I are getting closer by the day. He is quickly becoming one of my best friends, and teaching me so much about how a relationship is supposed to be. About the importance of having a strong foundation and realistic expectations. He has taught me about compromise, understanding, patience, and respect. And I am still learning more and more each day. Ironically, it is I that wants to take it slow. Funny, right? After being so desperate for love and companionship, I am now the party with the cold feet. But, in my heart I know that he is the one for me. I just need time for my brain to catch up with my heart. It'll be soon, I am sure of it. :) <3

Any Volunteers?

So...I am over here discussing matters of the heart with my cousin Rahwa, and came to a conclusion. Men do not value their sex organs as highly as they do their heart and don't understand it when we do. Because it seems like a man is quick to volunteer his penis, but not his heart. Oh no, you have to work for that! Really?! How does that work out? That's not what I'm looking for. I do not want a man that tries to jump into bed with every woman they come across. Like real talk, if I tell u I don't wanna send u naked pics, or have sex with you...respect that shit and pick one of the following choices: keep talking to me, but in a respectful manner, or go find some chick that'll give you what you want. Why would I compromise my self-respect for someone who won't work with me? Ok, so I'm supposed to give you everything you want and get nothing in return? No, selfish ass! That's not fair. And I don't care that life isn't always fair, this is something that can be controlled. You can control whether or not you meet someone halfway. I'm always roped in by these Casonova ass jigelows that pretend to be a sweet guy that is so intrigued by my beauty and result in being a dog that just wanted to bone. I'm sooooo over it. Like real talk, I need a sign on my forehead that says, "if my value is limited to what's between my legs, let me know now." If I'm 23, and looking for consistency, companionship, and love....wtf am I gonna do with an asshole that justs wants to get what he can from me sexually and move on. I am not a vessel to be used for your pleasure and discarded afterwards. I honestly don't understand how someone could even look at me and even come to that conclusion...that I'm just good for sex. I am a college grad, keep myself up, have a good paying job, have my own car that I make the payments on, ( I feel like I'm constantly listing these qualities in my head b/c I still don't get it) and deserve the utmost respect. Men are supposed to be coming at me correct, or getting lost. But, they still try that dumb shit. Funny thing about that is, you can lose out on love chasing sex...but, you won't lose out on sex chasing love. Sex is inevitable in a loving, committed relationship. Just wait, and get to know the person and the sex will come. No one said that it had to be eliminated completely. I don't know what it is about men today, but they're not playing by the rules or fair. I'm not interested in your penis quite yet...I want that heart. Any volunteers?

Things I've Always Wanted To Say

So...I know everybody AND their mama can relate to this post, bc everybody has had that thought before that you kept to yourself bc it was just TOO REAL to say aloud. And sometimes it is within good reason that you keep those thoughts to yourself; some people are just NOT ready for the raw, real truth. I'm not serving it well done to y'all no more...you're gettin it RAW as ever in this one. If you don't think you're ready for this, exit that way ------------------->

Hmm...where should I begin? So much to say! My thoughts are running around my head screaming, "PICK ME! PICK ME!" Guess I'll start with my fave topic. And if you've been following my blog you know that my fave topic is dating.

Things I've Always Wanted To Say About: Dating

• Am I the only one that felt the urge to tell a man that I'm not a prude and that I promise once the wait is over the relations will take him to Nirvana? Or, "hey if it makes you feel any better, I hate waiting too...". It's like telling a kid, finish your veggies and I'll give ya a slice of cake afterwards or "this hurts me, just as much as it hurts you" lollll. But I guess that's too real.
• I have always been annoyed by someone who will text continuously for hours back-to-back, but does not pick up the phone to call...ever. I want to be like, aye...if E.T. can work a damn phone, so can your ass!
• Back in college, I always wanted to go off on dudes that want to eat all the groceries in your fridge, knowing that you're a broke college student, but have never taken you out once. Like dude, passing me the bread & wine at church does NOT count as you taking me out to eat, STOP THE MADNESS!!
• Sex in a relationship...now this is going to sound harsh...but hey, ITS REAL. I can't fake the funk, don't expect me to act like I don't know what I'm doing in the sack the first couple times. Not my fault or concern if you are intimidated by my proficiency. If you want someone to act all innocent, inexperienced, or pure...FIND A VIRGIN. Bc I cannot and will not fake the funk. Another thing I hate about sex with a boyfriend that I have always wanted to express...is that you don't always have to make love to me! That gets old and boring fast. Sometimes I need that thang beat up. *Shrugs* You can still be loving AND aggressive...that's what being passionate is.
• I don't watch sports. Point. Blank. Period. So, if you want a woman that watches sports and knows the names of players and teams and is really into it...I'm not the one. I don't get all crazy when a man says that he's not into watching Lifetime Movie Network, or make-up, or other girly things. So why is this any different? I'm not saying that I wouldn't watch with you, but I'll probably have as much enthusiasm as you would watching Platinum Weddings with me.
• I hate people who take the fun out of pleasing. Pleasing is the act of giving WILLINGLY. To feel forced takes the fun out of it. So YELLING my turn after you finish doing me...is a HUGE TURN OFF. That shit should never ever feel like work.

Things I've Always Wanted To Say About: Church

• Do people really be speaking in tongues or faking?
• If yes is the answer to first question is yes, then how come I haven't? I'm just as saved as the next person lol
• Am I the only one that feels horny after service? The devil must be playing.
• What exactly is the appropriate dress code for church? It seems like you're either over-dressed for it or under-dressed.
• Is the grape juice at Communion just Welch's grape juice that's been prayed over? Because it tastes familiar lol
• Do I have to hug and shake hands with the people in my row...I'm shy and don't know where their hands have been? :-/
• Is it a sin to leave before or arrive after offering? I know everybody's done it before at least one time.
• What does the pastor really do with all that money? All the pastors I've met drive Beamer, Benz, or Bentley's.
• Why does joining certain churches feel like joining a greek org? Some of the churches paper, and some had a process. PRAISE HIM!
• After attending church for a certain number of years, isn't there a point where the sermons start to get repetitive? The bible is but so big...does the learning ever end?

Things I've Always Wanted To Say About: Work

• How come I never call in sick, but the one time I do need to my job wanna act like it's a HUGE inconvenience? Mindy* called out sick once every week for the past 6 weeks, but I'm asking too much for needing a day off to get over this projectile vomit and violent diarrhea, huh? lol
• I will only work hard if I feel like you are paying me MORE than I deserve lol otherwise I will start out working hard and then quickly become lazy and do the bare minimum.
• How come I have to give you two weeks notice to quit, but y'all don't have to give me two weeks notice if you decide to let me go? That ain't right. AT ALL.
  
• Why is it always the days that you are starving, that the asshole that got to work AFTER you wanna take their break before you. And you know they ain't gon ask you, you just gon tell your boss, "hey I'm gonna take a break now" and they hit you with the, "sure, you can go soon as Mindy* gets back."
• Why the hell do I have a Bachelor's degree, but cannot qualify for jobs in my field. What the heck is the point of a degree if experience is more important? I could've been skipped college then! Would've saved me thousands of dollars.
• I hate when it's the end of your shift, and you are about to go punch out...and the unthinkable happens. Someone asks you to do something. You be thinking "DAMN! I was almost off the clock" and you end up staying another 30 mins. Smh
• Paychecks that are wrong urk me to the core. Like foreal...if you can't pay people correctly, you should have to pay a penalty everytime you get it wrong. Like how people have to pay overdraft and bounced check fees.

Things I've Always Wanted To Say: In General

• Dear ugly, broke, unemployed, child-having, uneducated, live at home with your mama, or in-the-closet man; I am not flattered. Do not try to talk to me, date me, have sex with me. You do not qualify. Do you go to Best Buy trying to purchase a $600 TV with only $20? Exactly. I'm over your budget, and you cannot afford; so please, treat me as such.
• If one more Indian/Bangladesh/Pakistan person approaches me in Wal-Mart telling me they own a home-based business (that they refuse to tell me specifics about) and that they are looking for "sharp" people like myself to work for them, I am going to ask for their papers.
• I hate healthy food. I hate exercise. But, since those two are the means to the end I want...I guess I have to deal.
  
• Why do people get in front of you in traffic and not wave thank you? Or when you open the door for them they act entitled and either don't take it from you and/or not say thank you. What happened to manners? Jesus please take the wheel.
• I feel like the corniest dudes make the best boyfriends. Because they'll treat you like a queen, and then you can talk about em with your girls when it's over. Can't say nothing about a fine man...lol What you gon say? "Oh yeah girl his muscles were overrated anyway." And "girl that smile wasn't all him, he had braces." lol

Well I think that's all for now. lol I wrote this while bored at work. Please don't judge me.

Porn & The Fascination With It

PORN. Everyone knows what it is, but why are we so fascinated with it? And what does the porn that we watch say about us?

Sex itself is a topic that is just starting to become less taboo thanks to its big role in modern media, but porn is still the ultimate taboo topic. We see semi-pornographic scenes in all types of movies, music videos, and even soap operas, but still very few people will openly admit to watching actual porn in the privacy of their own home I feel like everyone does it, but just doesn't feel comfortable talking about it; sort of like masturbation or premarital sex. There are so many people that put up this front that they are not sexual beings and that they do not participate in those activities when in reality they are just too embarrassed to admit it. I must say though, porn has a bad rap.

Porn is associated with sexual addiction, it's considered immoral, and unclean, but still there has to be some sort of audience for it to still thrive. One of the main reasons that there is such a fascination with porn is that it gives you a voyeuristic look into someone else's sex life. By nature, we as human beings are aroused by the idea of being watched or watching others during sexual acts. There are so many fetishes and forbidden fantasies that we would never dare tell even our closest friends or lovers, that bring us satisfaction from watching porn. It is because of this that so many people creep into sex shops with hats and sunglasses on. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating about the disguises, but if you've been to a sex shop...you can feel the tension in the air for some people. They look scared shitless about being there and like they are afraid to see someone they know. They want the sex toys and movies that turn them on, without dealing with the judgment that comes with being what they interpret as being sexually immoral. I don't remember being embaressed after leaving the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and that movie had lots of nudity. So why is porn different? Is it because we KNOW that these people are actually having sex, versus them just being actors?

I watched some porn as research for this blog, and will not lie...I LOVE IT! I've watched porn alone, with friends, and with lovers. It is an excellent tool to use when masturbating alone, for sex education purposes, and for arousal before reenacting with a significant other. Porn provides an outlet to your deepest darkest fantasies and helps release sexual frustration. I feel as though porn is healthy to watch as long as it does not affect your REAL sex life or impair you from completing work and leaving the house.

Here are a few free sites, for your enjoyment :)

redtube.com
xvideos.com
spankwire.com

Unapologetically Me

In life, we go through different things that make us question who we are and if we should change. You are always told to be yourself...but what if yourself is not acceptable? Isn't is contradictory to tell someone to be themself when they have characteristics that they are in the same breath told to modify? So are we supposed to be ourselves or just the editted version society expects us to be? I refuse to follow suit. I will be me, unapologetically. I am beautiful, I am overweight, I am short haired, but occasionally rock a weave. I used to have long hair, but that does not matter now. Now it's short and I embrace it both natural and with my tracks!!! I will not apologize for my weave either. That's my choice crown and I am not ashamed. I am educated. I have goals to become a successful lawyer and socialite. I will not dumb down my goals and education to make a man feel comfortable. If we are not on the same playing field...that is your personal problem. Keep up or get left in the dust. I am lonely, I am desperate for love, I am a horn dog, I make lewd jokes ALL the time, I cry sometimes when men fall short of my expectations for them, I fall too hard, too fast. I do not know how to be a BITCH to someone I am dating, or ACT LIKE A LADY AND THINK LIKE A MAN. Those books did me no justice. I am just nice. Point blank. I like to tell someone how I feel about them, cook for them, kiss and hold them, I love with my whole heart like it's never been broken! I hate waiting for sex just as much as a man does, but I've done it just because it's expected. I love to laugh and make others laugh, I have desires that sometimes do not go with my Christian belief, I am not perfect. I love to shop, I love to buy gifts for others, I wish I could help all of the homeless people get back on their feet. I hate when people don't say thank you, or even just take the door when I open the door for them. I hate when movie romance does not reflect my real life, because it gets my hopes up and results in me crying myself to sleep. I long for a balance between love, happiness, and good sex. I love whoever loves me. I get moody near my period and want to be left alone. I love fast food, even though I know it is hurting any results that working with my trainer could achieve. I want someone to encourage me in my weight loss, without making me feel like there is something wrong with me as I am now. I love sexy underwear and sending pics of myself in them, but feel offended if u only talk to me when u want one. I love to be the aggressor, when a man makes the first move too soon...I feel like all he wants is sex and that makes me feel objected. I have two sides: the lustful side that wants to jump your bones RIGHT NOW! and the romantic/classy/lovey dovey side that wants to be courted and treated respectfully before I give it up. And those two sides clash, regularly. So often, that I wonder if I will ever find a man that could please both. I walk alone, amongst a crowd of lovers...and want what they have. I do not know when I want to start law school, but I am sure that I am going! Sometimes I forget that sex cannot serve as a replacement for love, just because I am tired of waiting (and touching myself). I think of it like it's like being hungry for a meal...do u continue to starve or have a salad while u wait? I love all of my friends deeply, but suck at keeping in touch or being there for them when they need me. Especially, when distance is involved. I wish I was better at showing I care. I have never had a job that I loved, let alone enjoyed for a long period of time...and that scares me. I would feel better if I were having great sex, than to be completely alone. I am malnourished emotionally and sexually and it causes me to be stressed out. My current dating standards, are lower than the ones other people have for me...but, they aren't the ones that have to deal with being alone. I don't understand why I am single, and because I don't...I doubt myself a lot and wonder what I am doing wrong. I lash out sometimes and say I want to be left alone, just because I want to be pulled in closer. I am just a BEAUTIFUL MESS! But, nonetheless I am going to continue being me...UNAPOLOGETICALLY!

When Did Women Start Courting Men?

For as long as I have been living on God's green earth, it has been stressed to me by my parents that I am a woman deserving of the best treatment and respect. I expect a man to treat me accordingly and to behave as a gentleman. I am also familiar with the different roles each gender is expected to play. The man is expected to romance a woman, sweep her off of her feet, if you will, and express his interest to her until she gives in and reciprocates those same feelings of romance. But, what throws me off, is that some woman totally disregard those roles and take on the role of the man. They won't let a man pay for them, they cook for a man that hasn't even taken them out on a date yet, and spend money on them. I am tired of seeing women tricking on men. Like seriously, if chivalry is dead, y'all the ones that killed it. Why would a man feel the need to take you out and treat you how he is supposed to if you are giving him an easy way out? By not allowing a man to fulfill his role, you are keeping him from being a man. Only a weak and prideless man would allow a woman to pay for him wherever they go. But, women are at fault too, can't blame a man for taking advantage of your foolishness. #1 no no: Offering/agreeing to go see a man at his house for a first date is not the way to start a serious love affair. You are burning up your gas, and he is not contributing anything financially. Not to mention the fact that going over his house gives him a shorter and faster route to THE GOODs. Another thing that really urks me to see, is a woman that will pay for not only her own food/drink (which I refuse to do, make that man work!), but will also pay for the man?! *I just threw up in my mouth at the thought* That's no no # 2. How you start the arrangement off, sets the tone for how things will go from then on. If you were chillin' at his crib watching tv, and paying for y'all food...don't expect him to wake up one day and take you out to the Cheesecake Factory for a fancy dinner on his dime. Because it ain't happening! There is no reason for a woman to "court" a man. You should not be in the kitchen slaving for a man that you barely know, in exchange for his affection. We should be in control of the relationship. Let the man be a man and court you. Let him take you out, treat you to dinner, and show you a good time. We are worth a man that will put in work to have us all to himself. Stop spending up all your money on a man that isn't doing his part. You will just end up broke and alone.

Is Sex Mandatory In A Modern Day Relationship?

This blog is a follow up to another blog I wrote called: Can You Have A Relationship Without Sex? I was just reading Glamour magazine, when I realized that even magazines are influencing the importance of sex in modern day relationships. As a woman there are few magazine options that I can relate to. I cannot relate to the fashion magazines, because I do not care about fashion that much to go through 100s of pages of nothing but clothes. Next there are housekeeping magazines, I am too young to care about how to decorate my house or how to make a quick meal for the kids after a long day at work. Then, there are Bride magazines, which might as well just be considered a fashion mag, because they are nothing but a wedding dress catalogue. So I gravitate towards magazines like Glamour and Cosmopolitan, because for the most part, they get me. They show helpful skincare tips, a little bit of up to date fashion, and even stories that range from funny to tear-jerking. Most of their tips are almost always on point too, I love how much they care about healthy eating and exercise. Overall they are great magazines, and that is why I have been purchasing them for so many years. But I had an epiphany today, these magazines are written to appeal to a reader that is sexually active. Let me tell you why I believe this. Here are a few article titles in this month's issue of Glamour (pictured above): "Katy Perry Shares Her Sex Confidence Tips", "101 Things No One Tells You About Guys: Their Sex Desires, Their Body Hang-ups And The Real Reason They Cheat", "52 Things He's Really Thinking About You. (Which include subcategories like: 7 Things He's Thinking When You Try A New Move In Bed, 7 Things He's Thinking When You're Naked, 4 Things He's Thinking When You Watch Porn With Him)" And this is actually the milder magazine, Cosmopolitan's February 2010 issue has sex all over its new cover! Here a few article titles from their new cover: "99 Sex Moves: Sweet and Slow, Quick and Dirty, and Everything In Between.", "The Hour Men Crave Sex Most", "Unleash Your Cheeks!: Why Guys Stopped Loving The Thong." The sad part is that there are probably several more sex stories in Cosmo, if that much sex is on the cover. So what are these magazines trying to say? The audience, in my opinion, for this magazine ranges from the ages of 18-35. Which is a wide range of ages, but why assume that ALL of these women are sexually active? Why put the pressure on young people to have sex? This is the Valentine's Day issue too. Are they saying that the only way to celebrate Valentine's Day with your significant other is in bed wearing racy lingerie and trying new sex moves on your man? If woman's magazine's are this biased about sex, I'd hate to pick up a men's magazine. Their covers are raunchy enough.

Magazines, media, friends, many influences in our lives tell us that sex is a mandatory or socially accepted part of relationships. But, sex is not mandatory. You are not weird for being a virgin, or celibate and wanting to wait until marriage. That is your personal choice, and that should not make a person feel like they are less of a good pick for respecting themselves or their religion that much, or simply not being ready. Do not let the pressures outside of your relationships affect your relationships.