Mr. Ambitionless

I've met too many of these men in my life. Men who lack ambition and goals and are totally complacent in their situation. These are the men who live with their parents with no plans of getting their own place. The men who work at the dead-end jobs with no plans to move up. Last but not least: the men who do not have a degree, do not go to college and have no plans of doing so. I am a woman who is well on my way to finishing up my undergrad and plan to pursue law school. Why on earth would I wanna be with a bum that flips burgers while living with his mama and is happy doing so? What kind of future would we have? I need a man by my side that is as ambitious as me so that we can motivate eachother to succeed. It would be different if I was in the same boat as these men and had only a highschool education and worked at Wal-Mart or something but I don't. So I don't have to tolerate that, because there really is no purpose in me falling in love with a man that does not have the means to give me what I want out of life. I am striving to get these degrees so that I can be as successful as possible to make a comfortable life for myself, my children, and my parents/siblings. I am not working this hard for someone to come in and enjoy the benefits of my blood, sweat, and tears when they are only contributing 1/3 or a 1/4 of my income. B/c with those numbers...I would be better off living alone, because my income is going to be alot for a single person but isn't enough if I have to share my income with someone making considerably less. If you cannot carry your weight, don't get mad at me. Be mad at yourself for not being on my level.

Unspoken Rules & Expectations

I'm sure that I am not the only woman that has a set of rules instilled in her head before she even talks to any man. These rules are things that a woman will not tolerate or deal with from a man that she is dating. Granted men are not mind readers and therefore will break a few rules here and there unintentionally, but in reality some of the rules are common sensical. I will post a couple of my rules as an example (in no specific order):

1. Do not stand me up. If you cannot make it, tell me as soon as you know so that I can plan my evening accordingly. If you couldn't call me because of some crazy situation, I can be understanding if you contact me as soon as a phone is available to you and the first thing you do is apologize to me and try to do something to make it up to me. That shows you respect my time. However if you call me acting like nothing happened, that will get you fussed out.
2. Do not try to come to the crib as our "first date". Take me out somewhere. It doesn't have to be the boring old dinner & a movie either...be creative. I really don't like dudes coming to my crib, b/c they dunno how to act around a bed...which leads me to #3
   
3. Do not, I repeat DO NOT try to have sex with me the first few times you come over to my apartment. That is disrespectful on so many levels. That is a turnoff and will make me think that all you want me for is sex, and I aint sticking around for that! Some men will say that all men will try, and you can't fault em but I disagree. Because if you wanted to wife me you wouldn't have to rush sex, b/c you aint plannin on going anywhere. Am I right? Also, if you get mad when I give u a no when u start to try something, you are DEFINITELY not a keeper. U lucky I told u then...instead of when it REALLY got hot & heavy. Because I don't owe u squat.
   
4. Do not tell me you will call me RIGHT back or in however many minutes and then not do it. I won't say anything the first few times, but really it is inconsiderate and will eventually earn you a fuss out. Bottom line do not say you will call me back at a certain time unless you plan to.

That's really all I can think of right now that really urks me. You would think that it is common sense, but clearly it is not. Ofcourse, I have some expectations that are not really common sensical, therefore I do not hold it against a man, but it will make me unsatisfied to not have it. I love romance, its in a Libra's nature. I love the roses, the chocolates, the sweet cards, and what not. I believe I deserve to be courted regardless of this being 2009, chivalry is not dead. I think that its just that the chivalrous men are holding out for someone worth their chivalry, i.e. ME! I am optimistic in the fact that the suffering I am doing now in this lover's bootcamp is temporary and I will be rewarded with a good man who knows all the rules before I tell him and doesn't need to be guided through romance...he wants to do it on his own and thinks it all up himself. Thats what I'm holding out for.

Where They Do That At?!?!

Wow so apparently there are men that exist that invite women out to dates and then pull a switcheroo. I am talking about begging to take you out and then when the check comes decide to split it or even ask you to cover them. WHERE THE HELL DO THEY DO THAT AT? I have never had this happened to me personally, but that is pretty damn trifiling. Let me explain the logic of it. How are you takin me out if you neither pick me up or pay for my food? As my cousin Rahwa put it, why not just call it a meeting if you don't plan on treating, because that aint a date! If I am going to a movie or a dinner that I wouldn't have otherwise gone to if you hadn't invited me, why would I want to pay for it? I woulda been better off just stayin home. To be real. Straight up, fellas aint gon like this but I DON'T CARE! A true gentleman takes a woman out on a date with the intentions of paying, no need to fake the funk and let the check linger on the table. We both know the deal. If you don't...thats our LAST date. If you don't have the funds to pay for both of us...we coulda done something else...like a walk in the park, go to a museum, the zoo..I mean really. If someone ever tries to pull that "I guess we'll be splitting this" shit on me Ima be like o ok hun, lemme go get my wallet from the car. Guess you'll be washing dishes nyucca!

Dating Is Sooo...Overrated

Dating in general is fun, but its the first dates that suck in my opinion. I believe that the awkwardness comes from not knowing each other and therein not knowing what to expect from the other party. For example, you go on a movie date. You both walk up to the door at the same pace, who will open the door? Will he be a gentleman and get all the doors (including car doors if he pickin me up)...or just wait on me to open them? Then you walk up to the ticket counter, will he ask for one ticket...or two. (He better ask for two...or I'm leaving! lol) Then inside the theater, will he just sit there and watch the movie, like he should. Or try to make moves on you the WHOLE time...ughhhh...hate when a man tries that shit on the first date. I do not want you to lift the arm rest so we can get closer...thats for BJs (boo joints) and boyfriends...not for you hun. Worst of all my movie pet peeves, hand holding. ODG (oh dear god) hand holding is for couples...and not to mention usually makes our hands sweaty...so get off!! To paraphrase for the slower readers: NO PDA on the FIRST date. I'm still single, and may be scoping someone else if you're lame...and the hand holding will def be a cock block. LMAO But really tho, those things mentioned are AWKWARD moments that I wish could be skipped all together. Now example 2, a dinner date. How awkward is it when you're trying to eat, and the other person keeps yapping at you...like not normal convo but straight rambling about themselves. OMG just stfu and eat your burger dude, its getting cold and I'm getting bored! lol I mean if its a good convo, I wont complain, but nothing urks me more than a self-important jerk who just yaps about himself the whole meal, I dont really care that much about what you do to spend an hour hearing about it. Then how about the food on face awkward moment, where you or the other person has a huge piece of food on their face and has no idea. lol EMBARESSING. Then the check comes...DUN DUN DUN...and ofcourse the guy looks at you a few times...its like is he gonna just pay for it, or is he looking at me waiting for me to offer to pay...because he'll be waiting a long time...bc I def wont. HAHA...I'm being real...a man wants to take a woman out...it should be a given that he will be paying for the date whether its dinner or a movie, etc. Gray area...when a girl asks a guy out...that could go either way. Honestly sometimes I'm scared to go on a date with a guy, for fear of discovering that he's whack. Its pretty hard to enjoy a 2hr long movie with someone who is constantly talking to you during the movie or tryna cuddle. A friend of mine actually had that happen to her and just got up and sat in a different row from the guy. LMAOOOOOO Harsh but real, a dinner or movie date does not equal a hook up. We are women, not prostitutes.

So yeah, first dates are EXTREMELY awkward, but they can still be good overrall. And there are only two results that can come about after that, you discover you're out with a LAME and cut all ties, or everything goes uphill...

What Makes For A Good Man? If No One Is Perfect, Can There Possibly Be Such A Thing As The Perfect Man?

I, like many other women, have this vision in my head of what I want in a man. I want him to have many of the qualities that my father has and to also be compatible with me. I am a single woman, because it seems as though my standards are too high...now my girls always tell me not to settle, and I won't...but in reality isn't anyone you end up with going to be below your standards somehow, because standards in general can be a bit unrealistic. We can not expect every man to be perfect. Humans are imperfect by nature...where do we draw the line as to what is acceptable and what is not? If I had to name my top ten qualities that I would like to find in a man I date, they would be (in no particular order):

1. Honest, 2. Trust-worthy, 3. Faithful, 4. Attractive, 5. Good Sense of Humor, 6. Good Manners, 7. Good Hygiene, 8. Romantic, 9. Thoughtful, 10. Good in Bed (even though, if he's not...that may be something that can be improved on, keyword MAY.)

I feel like those qualities are not too much to ask for. But, then come the superficial standards. These are the standards that I have that can be a bit harder to comply with. Like he has to be in school or have a degree. If not, at least have a career. It is also important that he is good with his money and doesn't spend his paycheck and end up asking his mama for money for his rent. Ugh. He also must have the three necessaries: a car, a cellphone, and a job. If you don't have the three listed...its a major dent in your chances. I'm saying this because these are things that I have. I don't want anyone who doesn't have at least what I have, if not more. First of all, and my biggest pet peeve, is when a man asks me to come see him. I will not get in my car and go see or pick up a man with/without a car. That is your job as a man to have a vehicle, or transporation, and if you want to see me or take me out, use it to accomplish that. I honestly don't feel like thats too much to ask. Now if your cell phone is turned off for a little while or you just lost your job, that gives you a little room. I can be understanding about that. But my thing is if you don't work and can't take me out...and you have some groceries in your fridge, make us dinner. Another plus is if you live on your own, I love an independent man. I don't want to call your mama's house and ask to speak to so and so. smh. Especially at this age. Another drawback, a man with a child or children. I am not going to apologize for this, I do not and I repeat DO NOT want to date a man with a child. Especially one who doesn't take care of his children. It's such a drag and a burden on me to have to settle for my child, if we get married, to be my first and your second or third. No thanks. I want a man with no bones in his closet and no ghosts in his past. Is that too much to ask? SHIT!

So back to the big question. What makes for a good man? Is a man still a good man if he treats you great, romances you, is thoughtful, and sweet but cheats on you? He's only missing one trait. A lot of people will say no, but they themselves have overlooked some characteristics in the men they love that go completely against what it is they want in a man. I guess some qualities weigh more heavily than others, but in my opinion a cheater could never be considered a good man. I personally think that a good man, can only be one that has the majority of the qualities you want in a man. If you are impatient...then by all means settle...I choose to wait, I'd rather be alone than unhappy. :)

Thug vs. Prince Charming: Who is Mr. Right?

DISCLAIMER: Let me be the first to say that there is nothing wrong with liking a thug or being married to one...to each his own.

Everyone knows what a thug is, the one I chose to display is Gucci Mane. He definitely fits the bill. He is what most of us picture when they think of a thug. Bodies covered with an unnecessary amount of tattoos, bandanas, jeans that hang dangerously low, the need to have the freshest sneakers/clothes/jewlery but can't pay their rent/child support/car note/etc. Tough act, expressionless face, follows a set of guidelines that no one knows but other thugs. And if they are not already in the music industry...they are thinking of some hair-brained scheme to get in it...UGH!! As you can probably tell by now, I personally don't like thugs. Plain and simple. Thugs are to most women what hoochies are to most men. They look good, might be fun to sleep with...but I could never see myself wifing one. How many thugs do you know with a legitimate job? How about good credit? No kids? A 5-year plan? Exactly. So...you may be wondering, what do I like in my prince charming?

Well I would defnitely choose a suit and fresh cut, shaven/groomed facial hair over the dreads/corn rows/and fros in the sean john sweat suit. A man that cares how he looks, smells, and is perceived by others. All those tattoos can not make you look hirable to a future employer. So a man with a few tatts that can be covered with a dress shirt or polo is favorable. But, thats just the exterior. On the interior I want manners, says "yes ma'am" to his mama, opens doors, pulls out chairs...covers his mouth when he burps. Definitely NEVER farts around me, take that shit to the bathroom!!...gross and will demote you to someone who will never be wifed, please believe. Also, the ideal man takes a woman out and offers to pay. Even if its only one time, letting a woman know she is worth something as precious as your hard-earned money will make her see how self-less you are. No one likes a selfish man...and if you don't have money to take a woman out...cook for her...something! A man that only puts his hands on you to make you feel good or rubs your feet, and back and doesn't ask for anything in return. A man who makes sure a women is enjoying sex and receives pleasure. A man who gets his and rolls over or doesn't care to last until the woman gets hers like its some sort of race is definitely not worth the time...man, ladies don't we hate that!!! Not to mention the most important characteristic of a potential man...we can introduce you to our parents and they will like you, because if my dad and mom don't like you...you're out the door!

If you fit the category of thug and are proud...do you by all means, some women will settle for that...just don't bring that shit around me, because I refuse to. If I do talk to a thug its nothing but temporary, he's Mr. Right Now and I am still gonna be looking for my potential Mr. Right. You know what they say, there are those you practice with and those you practice for. :)

High Heels: Gift or Curse?

Every body knows that high heels are sexy as hell!! Really, thats why we wear 'em. They make us feel sexy, they make our legs look great, and they give us hella confidence. Not to mention the fellas love it when we do wear 'em lol. But at the end of the day...pretty much ALL heels hurt like hell. Sometimes I'm in the club looking around at all of the other women wearing heels, dancing around and I ponder to myself, "I wonder if their feet hurt as bad as mine do." Thanks to my girl Keri Hilson, now I know that I'm not the only one who "can't hang". She has a song called high heels, dunno if its on her cd but its probably on Limewire (http://www.limewire.com). She says "I hate high heels, love how they look but hate how they feel." This right here reminds me of something we were discussing in my Women Studies class. The topic being sexualization, and how as women we are objects and do not really have a say in what we wear. Society, mainly men, paint a picture of what is appealing and we follow. This past weekend a young man asked me, "If they hurt, why do yall wear 'em?" I said "FOR YALL!!!" He gon say..."girl you look just as sexy in those flats." SHEESH shoulda told me that earlier!

To Love Is To Live...Is Love Dead? Because if so, so are we.

Love...its been talked about for ages. But can anyone truly form a universal definition for it? I know I can't. Sometimes love can be perfect, abusive, one-sided, withstand the test of time and sometimes love even fades. What happened to Love being normal? Nowadays sex comes first and love happens eventually. (Totally backwards) And there is also this notion that sex can be executed with *NO STRINGS ATTACHED* or *WITHOUT CATCHING FEELINGS*. Another result of the over availability of casual sex (we can blame that on the ladies who don't make men wait [refer to my blog on making em wait].) Really, I don't feel like I could have sex with someone and not feel some sort of way about them emotionally. Can't speak for the sluts though lol. But really whats wrong with Love? Love is supposed to be a wonderful thing shared by two people and its supposed to make life more enjoyable and worth living. Is the concept of true love dead? Did infidelity and casual sex kill it?

All I know is as a Libra, I'm a hopeless romantic and love makes me feel full of life. And I refuse to apologize for my feelings. If I love you...I love you...and nothing can change that. I will tell you how I feel every chance I get, because life is too short. I don't care if its too early, or even if feelings weren't supposed to have been caught. I refuse to apologize for Love. Its the air in my lungs, its the blood in my veins, its a part of me. I love like I've never been hurt and give my all. :)

Time To Show Love To My Black Brothers

I just had to take a moment to show my admiration for my beautiful black brothers. There is too much negative said about them, and I am here to even the playing field. I love black men! There is nothing like a black man, point blank. A man who shares my struggles and knows where I am coming from. Black Love is a beautiful thing, and there really is nothing like it as well. A black man is a king, and only he knows how to treat a black queen. We compliment each other and make each other better. Nothing like a strong black man who can provide and protect. I dunno about yall ladies, but I am going out there and Im gonna find my black King... :)

Ladies...Yall Gotta Learn To Make Em Wait!!!

I know we've all met the type. Smooth talking, charming, and attractive. Sort of too good to be true. Only one way to find out if he really is too good to be true, make him wait. You know what I'm talking about...in the words of Steve Harvey, "If his job makes him wait 3 months for the benefits, you should too." I'm not saying that you gotta make the man wait for years, but don't sleep with him the first night and expect him to be romantic and charming and all that crap still. Its rare that a man will wife a chick like that, primarily because the chase is over and so is the thrill. Better that as women we captivate a man's mental before proceeding to the physical. Ya feel me? Also, the less women jump into bed with a man all early, the less pressure on the next chick to give it up. Men have become spoiled out here these days, expecting sex and have even convinced themselves that "what you won't do, another girl will". Don't fall for that lame shit. If a man can't wait a measely 3 months to get to know you before he gets in your pants, he was only in it for one thing and is better off gone ANYWAY!! Plenty of fish in the sea, don't sell yourself short to please some man when he doesn't give a rat's tail about you. Trust, once you give that type of dude what he wants the sweet texts, flowers, and even phone calls stop. GAME OVER. Ladies lets save ourselves the disappointment and rope em in with our minds and not our bodies!

Rihanna Takes Chris Brown Back

I am honestly floored at this news. The man beats her to a pulp, and covers her with bite marks and she wants to reconcile, because they both "care for each other." WTF?? How hard am I shaking my head? Hard enough to get whiplash! Everyone wants to say its not our business and let them do what they want, plenty of women get abused all over the U.S. everyday and stay. NO!! I refuse. They are celebrities, therefore they left privacy behind when they signed that contract. My concern is for the children and teens who look up to them. My sister is 9 years old, if she sees someone she idolizes get battered by her man and stay, what kind of message has Rihanna sent? If your man beats you, its OK to take him back, because he's sorry and he loves you?! First of all, it might have worked when your parents said, "we only hit you because we love you", but it is not acceptable in a relationship. If someone hits you, and you stay...you've given them the green light to do it again, and again. They may even kill you. I think Rihanna is STUPID AS SHIT! I have never in my life been so disappointed in a celebrity. Where is her strength, her independence? I bet you Beyonce wouldn't have stayed with Jay-Z were they in a similar situation. Even Mariah found the strength to leave Tommy Mottola in the 90s. These stories inspire while Rihanna's disappoints. She cannot possibly have that low of a self-esteem. Goodness, THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA RIHANNA!! Why would you limit yourself to someone who treats you bad? That goes out to all of the women in a similar situation too. Even if the rumors of her pregnancy are true, her child is better off not knowing Chris Brown.

"Men Are Dogs": In His Own Words

Who hasn't heard the saying men are dogs? Seems like I hear it on a daily basis from my girls. But I never in my life thought that I would hear the very same thing from a man. I was talking to one of my boys and he broke it down, and I'm gonna warn you ladies...it's definitely NOT what you want to hear. I will label him as DG to protect his identity, but this is how the convo went:

Me: Whats missing from your relationship that you feel like going outside of it? Your girl seems nice and I know she's sleeping with you. So what is it?
DG: All guys will never be satisfied. We can lovvvvveeee the shit out of who we are with, but you will always want to fuck other girls. Dont mean you dont love your girl
Me: Really? Well I bet you wouldn't be ok with it if she was doing it too.
DG: Now here is the difference and why its no good if a woman does it. Listen closely, women form emotional attachments. They dont fuck random guys, only guys they like. And if they do it differently then they are sluts. Now with that said, if she fucks another guy that means she liked that nigga. Totally different. See niggas, we are physical. We can fuck a girl and never even want to talk to her again in life.
Me: Whoa...this is making me feel really pessimistic about finding a good man. Every man can't be like this!
DG: If you want you a good faithful man, you bettter try ugly niggas or a nigga with low self esteem. You need to redefine your definition of a "good man". Because, quite frankly the man that isnt gonna want to stray every now and then does not exist. Sorry to break it to you. Bottom line is if woman just realize you just gotta find a nigga that respects you, takes care of his business, at least makes you feel as if you're the only woman worth living for. No matter what hes doing, just don't bring that shit home, or make it obvious, or fuck up a family, or let that shit come before his family.
Me: I don't think everyone is like that though. There has to still be some faithful men out there.
DG: I am a prime example: I have a beautiful girlfriend, shes good to me, we fit perfectly actually. But, i will be lying to you if i told you i dont think about fucking another bitch every day lol. Just comes with being a man.
Me: Well damn, Ima inform my readers. This will help open the eyes of a lot of naive women.
DG: It wont help lol girls never learn

I know that's a lot to take in and I can imagine your reaction..."my man ain't like that" or "he don't speak for every man". You're right, he may not speak for everybody, but the point is he speaks for SOMEBODY. That should be enough to scare the hell outta any woman! That men have learned to act pure as gold, while they do the unthinkable behind your back. What happened to good, faithful men like some of our fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers? What happened to the men who valued women more than to lay in bed with another one? Are they now so jaded that they think its okay to participate in infidelity without any remorse or guilt? What threw me off the most was when he told me that I needed to change what I considered a good man...This is precisely why I'm single. The man that I am looking for may not exist, and even if he doesn't I refuse to settle for less...

Men Are From Mars & Women Are From Venus

Ladies and Gentlemen, this pic is soooo...self-explanatory and the major reason why relationships today are unsuccessful. Sex is the way to a man's heart and love is the way into a woman's pants. HOW ON EARTH COULD THIS POSSIBLY WORK? I know what you're probably saying, my boyfriend is not like that or if you're a guy you probably think that you are not like that. Here's an easy test to find out if that's true. Withhold sex for 6 months, just sharing affection and emotional support. I DOUBT any man could last. I was on the phone with a young man the other day, 25 years old and the topic of sex came up. He said to me, "I just let it happen." I countered with the fact that I wouldn't feel comfortable with it happening @ this point of my life unless I was in a monogomous committed relationship. So my ball park figure was 6 months. Do you know what this fool said? "I'm grown sweetheart, I don't have to wait for sex." WHAT??????? I blame those insecure sluts who lay up with a man when he ready instead of when they themselves are ready and got these fools spoiled. (Not to be confused with the strong women who use men for a nut and keep it moving **high five to yall ladies**) Like my girl Claudette from City High said "No I ain't a virgin but that don't mean I'm having sex with you" <---REALEST SHIT ANYONE EVER SAID. Where do men get off feeling as though they have some sort of entitlement to sex? I'll tell any man ANY DAY if ya can't stand the heat, get the hell out the kitchen. If you can't play by my rules...go find some loose woman who will submit to your every command...I don't play that. This is the reason why women sometimes feel used and hurt after sex, because instead of bringing the two closer...it rushes from page one to the end of the chapter. Plain and simple, no one wants to eat dinner AFTER they've already eaten dessert. Maybe they'll take it in a doggie bag if ya lucky...

Are Magazine's Brainwashing Women?

Seems like every magazine I pick up nowadays is about men. How to arouse him, wow him in bed, decode his behavior, what he notices first about you. WTF? Now don't get me wrong I love Cosmo and Glamour and they have some wonderful articles. But, how come men's magazine's don't focus their attention on those same things. How to understand women, how to PLEASE women in bed...(because a lot of y'all are clueless, or just don't care) or even how to go about winning over a woman. Society by way of television and magazines is brain washing women by making them think that the only important topics to read about are sex, and men. In its defense, this magazine also tells women how to get what they want out of sex and celebrates independent "fun, fearless females", but really is there such a need for women to please men that all of these magazines feel like they have to convey to us their ability to help us achieve it?

Etta James VS. Beyonce

I guess by now everyone has heard about the controversy surrounding Beyonce's performance at one of the many Inaugural balls. Etta James is pissed off that Beyonce performed her song at such a huge historical event. Etta feels like its a slap in the face, and said that, "Beyonce gonna get her ass whipped" for performing her song, "the same song I've been singing all my life". Now is she so wrong for being upset? She even took shots at our new President Barack Obama, "you know y'all president, the one with the big ears. he's not my president." I feel her for being mad. Someone else gets invited to the Inaugural festivities of the first black president, a HISTORICAL moment that will be remembered forever, and sings YOUR SONG. Now I can't sit here and take sides though. Beyonce had nothing to do with that. Be mad at the people who did the inviting. She had just done the movie Cadillac Records where she performed that song along with many other Etta James songs and was asked to sing it for the new president. Why wouldn't she do it?! She probably didn't even think twice about it. True, it would have been nice if she double checked with Etta if it would be OK with her, but shit B sings it better than Etta anyway. POINT BLANK! She need to take her old ass somewhere and stop hating on B. You are washed up, and can't sing how you used to...Taking shots at Barack Obama shows how senile she really is. How do you blame the man for such a trivial thing that only you cared about.

Time To Vent About....You guessed it, MEN!!!

I am soooooo fed up by men and their tactics. UGHHHH...why can't there be more men like my father around? Men who are handsome AND have a nice personality. Men who open doors, buy roses, and do not try to get you in the bed every chance they get. It really is annoying when you like someone and you KNOW that they are no good for you, but for some reason you pursue them because you want it to work out and want to be *happy*. Problem is for us women, its hard to forget the past. Its a good thing and a bad thing. Good because if you were a great man who did wonderful things before and started slacking, we don't forget and keep holding on until the man we fell in love with comes back (I know a lot of the ladies have been in that situation or can relate). Its also bad because sometimes we may have a good man in front of us and f**k it up because our last man did us wrong and we just can't get over it and trust again. But now...it seems to me that all men start acting up at the same time. Let me explain...let's say you are single, living the life and meet a guy online or at a club/bar/lounge (anywhere really) and then next time you are out you meet another guy and so forth until you have accumulated like 4-5 men. You don't talk to all of them everyday, but they are around if you are bored or feeling lonely, options really. So then maybe out of those 4-5 men, 2 are actually being seriously considered as contenders for your heart. Then one of them acts up and you're like whatever dude, do you....because you have options right? you did it the right way, your heart is protected. You take that playa out the game and put in another starter. Problem is because you lost the other player, you feel like this is it. Then *BOOM* he starts acting up. And by acting up I mean messing up like...talking to other girls, [yeah I know I am a hypocrite, so what? bite me!] not calling like he is supposed to, or even worse...arguing with you ALREADY and he aint even your man yet!!! Say it with me ladies OH HELL NO...this is supposed to be the happy moments, that make you want to build a relationship with this fool. So then you feel like you ended up with two birds in a bush and none in your hand. You wanna delete all the numbers in your cell and start over. You feel all alone once again and kinda pissed at ALL men. Why? I don't know. Maybe writing this blog will set the light bulb off in my head. Feels like there is no way to understand men, or get them to understand you or how you want them to be. Its like I only speak Chinese and they speakin to me in Spanish. Neither one hears what the other one really means and it all goes down the drain. More time wasted on another man who is just like the rest. At this point, in the state of mind I am in right now...I will tell you how I portray men. Selfish people who consider their wants as needs and your needs as wants. He NEEDS sex, and you WANT an emotional connection. UGHH!!! They accuse us of creeping and say they can't trust us, when they are the ones rushing us off the phone because their other joint is beeping in. They want all the perks of having a girlfriend, minus the commitment or the work necessary to keep us happy....I am SOOOOOOOOOO fed up and it is right on time for Valentine's Day....Great. lol no sweat...I'm an attractive woman with a great personality and will focus my mind on more important things...like school, my girls, and my family.

Put A Ring On It? No Thank You Sasha Fierce!

Marriage is like something you order off of an infomercial. It sounds soooo good and you just can't resist. Then you get it, and its nothing like they advertised. I blame society. We have this romanticized view of what married life is supposed to be. You are built up to expect to be spending the rest of your life with someone who will wake you up every morning to breakfast in bed and surprise you with flowers. A man who remembers birthdays, and anniversaries and always keeps you smiling. And women are somehow expected to juggle work, child care, housekeeping, and sex?! Not to mention that they are expected to stay in shape even after kids. Maybe I am being cynical but all that fairy tale ending garbage is being shitted on now. With the skyrocketing divorce rates and even higher infidelity cases some people have lost faith in marriage altogether. I don't blame them. Marriage in reality is hardly fun, it's work. A daily challenge to keep up the momentum. What if you pick the wrong person? And then the person you were "supposed" to marry walks into your life...could you handle the temptation? I remember when I was a kid, I used to think I'd be married at 25 and have children young so that I could be a cool mom and "understand". But now at the age of 21....4yrs from now still feels too early. I want to get my degree, pursue my career and be financially stable. Again, back to the picking the wrong person. Love as much as ppl hype it up to be, is not forever...and you could pick someone who you love and then end up resenting them b/c they are never home, or you are bringing in all the $money$ and they are just spending it recklessly. Worst of all, the fear of infidelity. Dating has really been the cause of the huge dent in the smooth exterior of marriages. Dating gives people good, and bad experiences causing them to carry around with them emotional baggage. So if you have been cheated on before, you will constantly be on the lookout for your significant other to slip up. I'm sorry but some women are delusional...you can not expect marriage to change a cheating man. All this put a ring on it stuff is dumb...if he doesn't love you or want to marry you by now...he never ever will...

One Week Rule

Ladies...has this ever happened to you? You are out at a club, or bar, or party and meet a sexy thing and he is really into you. He talks you up and flirts...at the end of the night he begs you for the 10-digits & says something like I will call you tomorrow. Then...*dun-dun-dun*...NEVER CALLS...EVER!! Or worse calls like two weeks later like "Hey, its me Devin* the dude with the blue shirt that had on the shades." Am I really expected to remember? I know I am not the only one that's had that happen. So I decided to instate a One Week Rule. Sorry fellas, you have only one week from the day that you take my number to use it. After that time period the privilege of using my number expires. Sounds kind of harsh from a male prospective, but really does it make sense to connect with someone and push for more, only to leave someone hanging? Like really, are woman supposed to stoop the level of men and call their own phone from yours when they put their number in? lol (btw I hate when men do that, I am taking your number because I don't want you to have my number!)

Super Bowl Sunday

I can't even pretend to be excited about Super Bowl Sunday. I honestly could care less. I have as much enthusiasm for the day as men do for Valentines Day (only 13 more shopping days btw). But, really...if you think about it, the Super Bowl is the orgasmic finish to a long season. So I can kinda relate to why people get excited for it. Sucks for people like myself who get bored to death by watching a game. For me the game only has two exciting moments, the half time show and the end. lol I went to Wal-mart today and it was filled with people in Jerseys or hats grabbing some last minute chips & dip, tvs, and probably beer. Now don't get me wrong, I am not into sports, but I will go to a Super Bowl party or a sports bar if invited. Ya know, to holla @ the cuties lol. Who probably won't hear a thing I am saying due to the hold sports have on men (and some women amazingly enough). It's like it puts everything and everyone else on mute. Even with the luxury of instant replay my dad still ignores the shit out of us if he is watching football. My finger could be severed and the house could be on fire and he still would nod and say "that's nice" when we call his name lol. But enough about the super bowl...