Forget Me Not: FWBs Edition

Forget me nots are a beautiful type of flower. They came to my mind tonight when I got a text from a guy that I haven't talked to in like a week. He texts me short meaningless responses and then calls me to talk about....nothing. The most painfully boring convos I've ever had. He said, he didn't know me well enough to pursue a relationship, yet did not even try to get to know me. He was only good for a nut, which I realized early on...and I was cool with that. But, now that I want more (not necessarily from him of course...he's a fuckin asshole), he is no longer appealing. My standards for a fuck buddy are way lower than that for a serious committed relationship (as they should be). Soooo...when he texts me a week after he told me he'd call me RIGHT back, hell yeah I'm mad. WTF? Ignore! I can't get with that shit. It's so interesting to me, how a woman can be so respectful to a fuck buddy, but a lot of dudes don't operate that way. Just bc it's a FWB situation doesn't mean you have to act uninterested until the next time you want some. Texting me some bull shit talking about you miss me. How come in the movies coming out lately (mostly white folks) are engaging in casual sex and actually hang out too? The true meaning of friends with benefits. Not make small talk, fuck, and go home. Another thing....how skewed is our society that we will share our bodies (something that has been sacred to us) with a stranger/person we barely know; and put ourselves at risk for STDs & pregnancy....but, will not put our heart out there? I'd rather have my heart broken a million times than catch something I can't get rid of, or have a baby by someone that I am not married to. But, that's just me...I am a realist and logically that shit does NOT make sense. I could sit here and blame hip hop, for the black man's degradation of the black woman...but, I won't...bc this isn't only in the black community. Hollywood is just selling this idea as the new "Happily Ever After". Two people have casual sex, spend time together, and fall for each other anyway. Movies like "No Strings Attached", "Going The Distance", & "Friends With Benefits" all have that in common as their premise. I have never ended up falling in love and committing to anyone that I've had casual sex with. And I can honestly say that all of my sexual partners except one have been casual (And by casual I mean, not a committed relationship. Not one night stands). Why is that? Another question...does a history of casual sex cause one to disconnect from emotional attachment during sex? It would make sense, whether out of habit or as a defense mechanism, or hell both. I feel as though I have jumped around a lot during this post (hope some of you were able to follow my train of thought), my main point is...why can't you establish boundaries in a FWB relationship, and still be friends? Why can't you be seen in public together, go out to dinner/movies, talk on the phone? Friends do all of that. Why is it that you have to hit it, and then forget it until it's been too long and you need it again? In his defense, he did call me on days that I was at work or that he had to work in the morning...just to talk....but, the convo didn't stimulate either of our minds. I need a man that will FORGET ME NOT.

I'm done kissing toads...

My last post was a very positive one. I met a great guy. He was kind, patient, understanding, all of the good stuff. I overlooked the negatives though, which wasn't wise. I know that I want a man that shares my faith in God, and that does not have children, and he also did not appeal to me physically. Furthermore, if I had settled down with him....it would have been more settling than anything. But, in the moment I was blinded. Blinded by the possibility of being in a relationship again. More so to rub it in the face of the past "best thing I never had" type dudes, than to actually build something real with someone. Those are not the right intentions; and to try to force something with someone that is lacking some major qualities that you desire is shortchanging yourself. I realized the hard way (as usual), that I needed to leave him alone and just focus on me. Because, clearly I am out of tune with what it is that I truly desire from the opposite sex and from love. This blog marks a new chapter in my life. The one where I come into my own and focus less on dating and more on me. I have to stop blaming men for my dating life. Don't get me wrong, the men that I've dated have overwhelmingly been assholes, but I picked them. In fact, as women we have so much say in what happens to us and that gives us so much control. I was ready to drop all of my fun to settle with a man that I was lukewarm about, because HE was ready. And if you've read my prior blog entries, you'll know how rare it is that the man is the one ready to settle down. So, I figured that I'd jump on the chance and sike myself out into believing I liked him until the true feelings came along. It sounds stupid now...but, in the moment I truly believed that it would work. Safe to say, as soon as he thought that he had me and that I was devoted to him...he showed his true colors (cue the Beyonce) and I saw the real him. I let him go, and decided no more; I refuse to keep kissing toads. It is not rewarding, and distracts you from the important things: God, family, and friends. I'm good on that. I am currently devoted in a selfish love affair with myself, and it will take somewhere very special to change THAT relationship status. :)