Reality Check

This blog is a result of reality smacking me hard, right in the face. When I imagined love, I imagined a relationship with a man without flaws, that always understood me, and never hurt me. I imagined him to always know what to say, and when to say it. No disagreements, no different perspectives, no turbulence at all. I always thought that if any of that existed, the relationship was not one that would last. In the past month that I've been in my current relationship, everything has changed. Not for the worst, necessarily, but, it has changed. You can't be all sweet and polite forever I guess, so then the real comes. Everything from ex gf drama to trust issues and one person needing more space than the other. It's nothing like I imagined, and that makes it hard for me. I imagined that with the right person, there would be no problems. EVER. But, that was foolish of me to believe. Every couple has things that they cannot agree on. Every couple has to deal with exes of some sort (unless you're in Kindergarten or a virgin lol), and everyone has their own set of walls built and baggage. It's up to you as a couple how you handle it. Of course it may hurt that you want to spend every waking moment with someone, and that they don't feel the same; but, that's life. Everyone is entitled to their own level of comfort. Compromise is the key to happiness. Communicating and finding a happy medium with which both people are ok with. Also, it's important to remember that no one is perfect. Everyone, including you, is flawed. So, an obstacle that I had to encounter, that brought me back to reality, was that just because he can't read my mind, doesn't mean he is disqualified from being "The One". Granted, one month into a relationship isn't really the usual time that a couple encounters speed bumps, but I say better now than later. Better to face those obstacles now, and mold your communication skills early. Learn how each of you handles issues, and resolve them. This can eventually bring you closer. What I'm realizing is that since there is no chance at finding Mr. Perfect (because he doesn't exist), I need to focus on Mr. Perfect For Me. The hardest thing for me to come to terms with was that a disagreement didn't necessarily mean that a relationship was not salvageable. At the start of a disagreement I would think, "oh no! Does this mean that we have to end it?" Now, I'm starting to see that it's normal and that it doesn't mean that the relationship is a failure. There are going to be things that need to be brought up in order to ensure that everyone is getting what they need from the relationship, but nit picking and complaining constantly will just make your partner feel bad, resent you, and stop listening. In order to have a positive flow of communication, you have to pick your battles. Always having something negative to say, only puts a further strain on your relationship. So any criticism should be constructive and not meant to place blame or cause hurt. In conclusion: problems are going to arise in even the best relationship, people are going to disagree even if they like each other a whole lot, and people are going to have different needs than yours that also need to be met in order for them to be happy. I've learned a lot in this short period of time. I wonder what I'll learn next month. Lol.